HOTMESS

BLUE HAIR LA

III

what if the open window
hadn’t tempted
if
mom and dad were still awake
if
my ride was late
how would it all look now?

what if the prints disappeared from the glass
if
he’d remembered to lock his front door
if
the moon didn’t soar through the pane
indicating the liquor he stored in the drawer?

what if the vodka had never touched tongue?

what if he’d seen me before it was done?

he’d never have finished the rest

but he did
and after he swallowed

a paleness appeared in his flesh

do you remember?
I asked him

he leaned and he squinted and stared for awhile

I’m the girl that I’ll bet
you’d hoped you’d
forget
the one that you left alive

what if he’d had a gun or a blade
I’d have been sent to You
just like him

but he didn’t
You made sure of that
and before long blood spilled from either end

as he bled out I recited
the verse you provided
in my dreams just one night before

Ben
I said
how’s the vodka?
I added a touch of my own little flair…
if ever a girl walks alone
in the street
it makes certain that you can’t be there
the judge and the jury may have been blind
but you forget there’s one Who sees all
He sent me to you and bestowed the power
of poison and watching you fall

what if he hadn’t pinned me in the dirt
and given motive for revenge
my life would have been perfect –
– never knowing the worst

but it happened
I saw You descend

with one moment changed
my life would be gone
the real world I’d never have seen

but it couldn’t be different
I know that You did this and know that You did it for me
I’d never have met You
I’d never have seen
my power to kill those
that justice misdeemed
I am your soldier
I am your machine
and now in the moonlight
I can roam free

Amen.